Thoughts on improvisation:

Vulnerable and yet powerful,
concentrated and constantly shifting,
searching for true and finding new expression,
blending into song and amorphous shapes,
serious and funny
surprised and safe
with open senses
courage and trust
old and new
serious and funny
thousands of pieces in a kaleidoscope,
so beautiful and already over.

Does anybody know who put it so beautifully in words?
Please let me know!

Amazing what fits into a millisecond –
Winter blues before spring / Milliseconds of doubts before spring

Hello dear readers!

Thank you for being here! Because of you I get into writing and sorting out my thoughts. And thank you for sending me so many beautiful poems for my research on the project “German poetry set to music”. I was very happy about that!

In this letter these topics are waiting for you:

Thunderstorm of thoughts in a millisecond
Music tip against winter blues
Good dynamics between people
What fits into a millisecond

I have just come from the doctor. No, don’t worry, nothing bad. Just a special checkup with a specialist I went to for the first time today.
Probably to distract me a bit from the examination and to make some small talk, he asked me: “And what do you do for a living? I am a singer.Then I lay there and a strobe-like hail of thoughts went off in my head, within the first millisecond I thought:
Sounds kind of cool too!

But wait! A singer? Really? Am I a singer right now? Can I call my profession that? Because of this whole Corona crisis, I actually see myself less as a singer, because a singer sings and makes money doing it. On stage. So seriously. And the audience is listening. There’s definitely an audience there. Now I’m sure the doctor thinks I make a living from being on stage. That’s not true at all. Is that just a wish I’m stubbornly holding on to? Isn’t “singer” also a bit one-sided and simply wrong, if I consider what I de facto do professionally at the moment? But if I sing every day, maybe even when I’m teaching, then at least I’m singing out into the world. Being a singer doesn’t mean having the most beautiful voice in the world and getting paid to sing. It has so many facets in addition….

Then he said: Oh, interesting! What does she sing?

I said: Jazz! Mostly. And he added: “But actually I’m not just a singer, I’m a musician!

He replied: Oh! What else do you do?

Me: Well, I write music, play piano, arrange and give lessons.

His short answer: Wow! That sounds great! But it must not be easy for you at the moment.

Exactly!

Actually, it’s really pretty great! What a beautiful profession we musicians:inside have. It’s pretty exciting and definitely what I love. What others may do as a hobby, secures sometimes better or as at the moment sometimes worse the livelihood and needs stamina.

How many colleagues have given up and looked for other jobs? It’s really a tough test for our profession.

You can tell I’m a little pensive and brooding right now.

Anyway, my head hasn’t exploded. Sure, my monkey mind was in top form again, but everything turned out fine. I then got on my bike and rode slowly through the city in the sunshine. That felt good!

Maybe it’s the winter blues that got me. Maybe just vitamin D deficiency!

Music tip

And luckily, there is comfort in beautiful music.
Have a listen to my music tip for winter blues:
Joni Mitchell’s “A Case Of You”, in the version from the album “Both sides now” from 2000. Beautiful music, soundscapes to dive into and great arrangements by Vince Mendoza.

The whole album is a listening pleasure. In the liner notes to the CD, co-producer Larry Klein describes the album as “a programmatic suite documenting a relationship from initial flirtation through optimistic consummation to disillusionment and ironic despair, finally ending in a philosophical survey of acceptance and the likelihood of the cycle repeating itself.”

Sometimes the melancholy envelops one almost comfortingly for a while, dismissing us quite peacefully and looking forward.

Back to normal?

Are you already returning to “normality”, now that many regulations are loosening and gradually many things are possible again? But maybe the stress of the last 2 years hangs in your bones and a back-to-normal is not so easy? It is still difficult to find fair rules for the coexistence of vaccinated and unvaccinated people. I listen to both “camps” and am saddened by the division.

And then there is the news about the war in Ukraine, that the fronts are so hardened that no peaceful consensus seems to be found with diplomacy and talks. This is terrible!

The good dynamic between people

Are you already returning to “normality”, now that many regulations are loosening and gradually many things are possible again? But maybe the stress of the last 2 years hangs in your bones and a back-to-normal is not so easy? It is still difficult to find fair rules for the coexistence of vaccinated and unvaccinated people. I listen to both “camps” and am saddened by the division.

I probably have too much time to worry about things right now because I’m at home way too much, because I hardly have any concerts and don’t give any classes, because I don’t travel and am not on the road, thus eliminating an important part of my job that I enjoy and that builds me up energetically. I miss the contact and exchange with real people, not online on the screen, but live and analog. The dynamic between people.

Now, evil tongues might say: after 2 years, one must have learned to use this time alternatively and to do work that has no place when things get back to normal.

Yes, but that takes a lot of energy in the long run. Everyone needs clear goals and motivation AND structures in which everything fits in, and these are concerts, moments on stage with an audience or in workshops. Hopefully they will come more often again soon!

I try bravely to keep my head above water!

Writing, singing, practicing, living, surviving….

Why am I doing this? It’s the desire to express myself, to give shape to inner worlds and feelings, the desire to dive into the flow, into the stories, to get into the “space” where time and space dissolve. The fun to invent, to create, to refine, to uncover the essence like a sculptor – and to share the results, because maybe others will enjoy it, e.g. to be able to dive in, to gain distance, to relax or to be stimulated to think or just to feel!

In the liner notes, co-producer Larry Klein describes the album as “a programmatic suite documenting a relationship from initial flirtation through optimistic consummation, metamorphosing into disillusionment, ironic despair, and finally resolving in the philosophical overview of acceptance and the probability of the cycle repeating itself.”

Let’s all keep our heads above water and not sink and listen to good music in between, for example “Both sides now”.

It’s melancholic and beautiful at the same time.

And soon it will be spring! Then everything will be better!

February 2022